I’ve decided to stop fretting about university now. It is hard to be optimistic, because I really did not have a Plan B and so now I’m really struggling when I think about the upcoming year. But nothing will happen if I sit around feeling sorry for myself, or if something does happen, it won’t be good.
I’m still waiting for my grades to be rechecked, but even if it does turn out that the examiners have cocked up my life, then I doubt that I’ll be able to join this year’s cohort, as accommodation has been allocated, registration information has been sent, and UCAS still thinks i’m going to Nottingham. This could work out for the best. I’m far less likely to catch swine flu this autumn if I’m not mingling with people from all over the world…! I don’t have to worry about not being able to afford my (frankly-quite-ridicioulsly) expensive accommodation. I don’t have to rush around Ikea buying things that I won’t use. I don’t have to share my kitchen with people. For another year, anyway.
But honestly, I don’t know if I want to go anymore. I’m still upset and annoyed and sad that they didn’t treat me with more humanity, considering that I had just more or less failed my A levels. I also can’t be bothered with writing another personal statement, getting more references, paying another £17 to apply, being up against students who have the potential to get an A* grade (something that was only introduced after I finished, just so you know). I don’t know if this will change when it gets closer to the time to apply again. It just seems like such a waste of time, and effort. But in the same way that I wore rose tinted glasses before Thursday, I wear some sort of blood splattered eye patch right now. We’ll see. But as for now, I’m going to have to job hunt, and keep myself busy, because I hate not having anything to do. I’m going to attempt to learn something (possibly a language, most definitely shorthand) so that my brain does not turn into mush, i’m going to write like a madwoman and I’m going to pester the lecturer I talked to on Thursday so much that he’ll really regret not letting me in. *insert evil laugh here*