I am officially unemployed now. I suppose I always was, really, but at least before I could hide under the guise of being a student. Now I am nothing. It’s getting pretty tiring. The summer holidays in between school years were always fun, because I’d get to sit about and do nothing but see friends, watch TV, waste away hours on the internet. And then when school came around again I’d complain that I had to actually do something again. So this is like that, except not as fun.

Most of my friends are off to university in 5 days or so if they’re not already there, daytime TV is SHIT, so I don’t know what I used to watch during the day before, and wasting away hours on the internet is just depressing. I just really, really want to have a reason to get up in the morning and to have something to do – I don’t even really care about the money (that much).

So far I have applied for a variety of retail jobs (retail being the only thing I have experience in). My mum keeps telling me to go for an office job because I can type quicker than the speed of light, but I don’t want an office job if I’m just going to be leaving it in a year. You would think that it would be easy to get a job in retail, in some high street chain that will treat you mean and keep you keen (or make you hate yourself), but it doesn’t seem to be that way. I don’t want to complain about “the recession”, but well, everyone else is. The last time I went looking for a job, I got one with relative ease (this is probably more to do with the fact that the hours were shit than the fact that we were in good economic health) and I (slightly naively) assumed that it would be just as easy now.

It’s coming up to the festive season now and a lot of places will be looking for people but I don’t want to then be sacked in January and be back to square one again, especially if I (shock, horror) like the job. So I don’t know. I will probably have to take a temporary job and hope for the best, but it’s not ideal. (Side note: none of this is ideal. I should be preparing to move to Sheffield right now. Instead I am going to sulk.)

So far I have been turned down by Marks & Spencers (thank you, M&S!) – within hours of submitting my application. That was a bit strange. It was as if someone was sitting in M&S HQ poised with their finger on the ‘reject’ button. “She does not possess adequate Marks & Spencering skills!!! DENY!”. This is what happens when companies use a stupidly drawn out questionnaire to assess your potential as an employee. I’m going to assume that I failed so spectacularly because I didn’t match up to their checklist of correct questionnaire answers. I cannot possibly put into words how much I hate online application forms that insist that you do a sort of roleplay quiz. The one for M&S was a bit silly, in that you had to tell them what you’d do if an old woman liked one coat, but you didn’t think it suited her – DO YOU TELL HER? OR DO YOU LET HER BUY IT? God, the responsibilities that lie with an M&S sales assistant!

If you’re reading this, give me a job please.


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