I still haven’t started my new job. Still. It seems like I’ve been waiting ages, and results day seems like a billion years ago (well ok, not really), but next Monday I will be back doing that sneaky London-lady trick of running to the tube in flat shoes then changing into heels just as you get to your destination. I am looking forward to it, although I don’t quite know what to expect. That’s the thing with it being a new store, I’ve never even seen it on the high street, never been inside one, never bought anything from there – just means that I’ll only know what I’ve let myself in for when I’m actually there and it’s too late. I read in my local newspaper that 450 people applied for 40 jobs at the store, and it baffles me that I actually got the job, when I have minimal work experience, have just come out of college, am going to be leaving to go to university in a year, and that I was late for my interview! Speaking of that, I noticed on the online version of this article that someone had commented talking about the very fact that some people were late and that it is COMPLETELY unfair if these people got the job. Is it? I do feel bad that I was late, and I understand that it must be pretty disappointing for someone who got there on time and didn’t get the job, but it wasn’t my fault that I got lost, seeing as I’d never been to the place before. It made me work so much harder to impress the interviewers as I had to make up for being late without sounding like I was making excuses, or that I was ungrateful for the opportunity. I’m a wallflower. I never stand out, I’m never outgoing or extroverted but this forced me to be, so I think it was for the best.
I’m very excited about starting this job, mainly because it’s been such a long time coming (have I really been doing fuck all since June?!). It will help to take my mind off things, ‘things’ mainly being my ever-present bitter feeling of disappointment at not getting into university this year. Yes, it’s still there, despite the fact that I know for sure that I’m in next year, and what difference does it make? I got the grades (eventually), I got in, and I will get to go. But I can’t help it. Everyone around me has moved away, spending their time with a constant hangover and complaining about lectures. That’s fine, that would have happened anyway, what really gets me (and I’m ashamed to say makes me cry) is reading blogs written by people who are currently on the course I should be doing right now. I didn’t want to write about this, because it makes me sound jealous and bitter (which I am, of course) but…they can’t write! They don’t care! They don’t go to their lectures and they complain about the work when it’s the very subject they applied for! It just makes me feel very sad, that they’ve got this opportunity but aren’t making the most of it. But then again if I was at university right now I’d probably be the same. It just really hurts that I didn’t get to do this this year, and I’m still not over it. I know that taking a year out is for the best, as I’ll be working, and I’m doing things that I would never do if I didn’t take this time out (like learning Swedish!) but I’m still disappointed in myself. And I don’t think that’s going to change any time soon.