dirrrty pop: Cole VS Coyle

Nadine & Cheryl

Oh, being a Girls Aloud fan- it’s not easy, is it? Remember the good old days when all we had to worry about was why exactly Hoxton Heroes was left off Tangled Up, and if we will ever understand Nadine’s accent? Those days are long gone, now we have to choose sides and watch Suck My Pop. Life just isn’t fair. Now, everyone knows Girls Aloud hate each other, and what better way to piss your bandmate off than sparking a chart battle like Cheryl and Nadine have just gone and done?

Cheryl, of course, is now the Nation’s Sweetheart, after sitting behind a desk and telling people whether they can sing or not for extended periods of time, and becoming everyone’s favourite poster girl for malaria. She’s already had one solo album on this ‘break’, the will-this-do 3 Words, and is now embarking on her second solo outing, which, really, wasn’t supposed to be on the cards! She was only supposed to do one! Greedy cow.

Here’s a spectacularly low quality YouTube clip of her new single Promise This (which is one big headdesk moment seeing as Girls Aloud have made good use of the word ‘promise’ in a song already). Apparently it premières on radio tomorrow (at 8:30am on local radio, so enjoy that if you’re getting up early) but everyone loves a shit low quality clip where the uploader has had to lower the pitch and slow it down so Cheryl’s record label don’t attack them for copyright infringement, right?! Right.

Fun fact: According to the X Factor’s official site, Cheryl is going “goth-ballet” in the video. Whatever that means. Hopefully some sacrificing while doing a pirouette, that’s not too much to ask now is it?

It sounds alright, though it’s hard to tell when the clip sounds like the result of when I first discovered Windows Sound Recorder aged 12 and used it to make myself sound like a man. It will bring an amazingly choreographed, pyrotechnic-tastic X Factor performance with it, I’m sure, so that’s always a plus.

Nadine has spent the best part of the past two years writing material for her solo album, hiring a dodgy manager and avoiding the rest of Girls Aloud. Her fans have been waiting for an AGE for her album, which she has painstakingly crafted with her very own hands, making sure that it sounds exactly how she wants it to sound. We’re going to have to assume that Nadine has a very particular taste in music and carries a baseball bat around with her at all times, with which she hits people she works with until they promise not to blab any details about the project – how else do we explain the fact that it has taken FOREVER for any details to emerge, with not even the glimmer of a low quality YouTube leak surfacing? But here it is, finally, the debut single Insatiable. *insert drumroll* …

I really, really like it. For some reason it reminds me of Your Game by Will Young, but don’t let that put you off as it’s a bit of a bullshit comparison, as amazing as Your Game is (yes, really). Nadine herself has said that her new album draws influence from Motown, soul and the 60s, which usually makes me groan, as ‘influenced by Motown, soul and the 60s’ tends to mean that it’s going to sound like something that Mark Ronson shits out.
But Insatiable is brilliant, and sounds like nothing else that’s popular at the moment (i.e., she’s not autotuned to death and screeching over some synths). Whether this will work in Nadine’s favour or not remains to be seen, but she should be applauded for taking the risk to create something that she thinks sounds good, popular or not.

Though we haven’t heard her single yet, Cheryl Cole will probably be the victor of this silly battle, even though it really doesn’t need to be a battle. The media will pit them against each other – Cole the People’s Princess, victimised by tropical diseases and footballers, and Coyle the heartless bitch that nobody can understand. They’ll build one up and knock down the other until eventually Girls Aloud finally crumble. Which is pretty sad, but hopefully at some point they’ll realise they’re far better together than they are apart and come to their senses.

What do you think of their singles? Do you think they’ll actually ever get back together?

3 Comments

  1. Posted September 13, 2010 at 4:59 pm | Permalink

    I completely agree that the chart battle is probably going to be as destructive to GA as the Mel B/Geri one was to the Spice Girls. I’m waiting with baited breath for Cheryl’s new single, because, from where I see, Nadine could really do with it being not brilliant in order to give her a fighting chance. Nadine’s is absolutely the career which, on paper, has the bigggest upside. But right now, Cheryl’s the one in the spotlight and as much as I like Insatiable, I don’t think it’s going to change the status quo :(

    • Posted September 13, 2010 at 5:08 pm | Permalink

      Yeah, I don’t think there’s any doubt that Cheryl’s going to absolutely blow Nadine out of the water, even if Promise This is absolute cack. She’s just too big…
      Hopefully Nadine will go on the X Factor, Cheryl will bleat about how much she loves her, and they’ll whip up a media frenzy. If they’re smart they’ll do this, and *fingers crossed* give GA the sendoff they deserve in 2011/2012, but yeah…it’s not looking good

  2. Billy Scott
    Posted September 13, 2010 at 6:19 pm | Permalink

    Yeah i think the whole thing is a gossip columnists wet dream. Why cant we just love them both and have done with it? Why does everything have to dissolve into drama. At the end of the day, i love them both (Nadine more obviously) and will purchase both singles and subsequent albums. And one day we will live in peace and happiness when all the girls get back together and blow away all the pretenders to the Girl Pop Crown.

    (I posted that without falling asleep, are u proud of me lol)


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