Sometimes shoes are so beautiful they want to hurt you

I love shoes. More specifically, I love shoes that have dangerously high heels, shoes I have no hope in hell of being able to walk in. I think I shall forever live in hope that one day I’ll wake up and have magically mastered the art of walking in heels, but in reality, I just can’t do it. But a girl can dream, right?

Suede wedges have been everywhere recently, and I’ve wanted a pair ever since I saw an Olsen twin/Alexa Chung/some other forgettable fashion face wear them glamorously and effortlessly.

I saw the most beautiful pair in Office today, behold:

I REALLY wanted them. I wanted to swan about like an Olsen twin, all tall and imposing, dressing like a granny and drinking Starbucks. And these are most definitely The Shoes to do that in, right?
So I put them on and walked around – I was a bit unsteady, sure, but my feet looked beautiful. BEAUTIFUL.

I gawped in the mirror at the vision at the bottom of my legs, I gained probably a bit too much confidence and strutted over to another mirror. Brilliant! I had found THE SHOES. Then suddenly, seemingly almost in slow motion, I started to fall. And you know when you just can’t stop yourself? There was suddenly nothing around to grab on to, nothing to break my fall, and BANG down I went, hitting my knees and my hands on Office’s cold, hard floor, and it was all I could do not to burst out crying like the little child I really am.

I wanted to look like GaGa doing what she does best, wearing ridiculous shoes like it’s normal, and instead I got this:

At least GaGa has been there too.

As well as looking like an idiot, I now have incredibly painful knees and walk with a limp. Sexy.

If you can rock those wedges, than please do. I’ll continue to stare wistfully at the grown up girls that can actually walk in such monsters, and stick with brogues this season. Sob.

Office Birthday Suit Black Suede, £85



  1. Posted September 17, 2010 at 1:01 am | Permalink

    As your man, I blame myself. My main responsibility as the boyfriend is to link arms with you when you’re out on the town in your heels, providing much-needed covert support. The right thing to do is buy you these shoes and escort you to nice places so you can walk safely in them. Get well soon, caterpillar! I love you xxxxxx

    • Posted September 17, 2010 at 12:42 pm | Permalink

      I feel drunk whenever I put really high shoes on, I really don’t understand how people do it! I need to go to a school or something. I basically just need you, for when I can’t walk and also for when I’m cold and need your jacket :)
      (Note to readers: This is exactly what boyfriends are for)

  2. Posted September 17, 2010 at 5:25 am | Permalink

    I want these shoes too and I’m so jealous of people that can walk in them and any other hot painful shoes.

    • Posted September 17, 2010 at 12:43 pm | Permalink

      Yup, I am the same. I think it must be something you’re born with. I most certainly got the ‘stomping feet, born to live in Doc Martens’ gene

One Trackback

  1. By Hello strangers « on September 30, 2010 at 10:51 pm

    […] clumsy arse and ended up in hospital, though thankfully not for anything too major. Remember when I fell over in ridiculous heels? Yeah. Turns out I sprained my wrist doing so (my writing hand! MY WRITING HAND!), and am now […]

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